Thoughts at the End of Everything

I wrote this back in 2011, just a few days before my first major surgery. I was very sick at the time; Crohn's disease had ruined my guts to the point where my body had all but stopped accepting food. At 96 lbs (I'm 5'7", so you can imagine how serious it was), my body had started to "eat" itself, consuming the fat that's supposed to protect your bones and organs. My surgeon was considering putting off a conference because she wasn't sure I'd make it until she got back. Keep in mind that I was a lot younger, a lot more naive, and it was a whole different world back then. If I were to write the same piece again today, a few things would definitely be different. 

Close Encounters of the Crazy Kind

I was reading a Reddit thread about a girl being relentlessly stalked online and over the phone by some weirdo and his entire family because she broke up with him. And wow, did that resonate. Crazy. Oh, have I had run-ins with the crazy. Thankfully, only a few were truly notable, but here they are:

On DV: The Day I said "Enough."

⚠️ Trigger Warning: Contains graphic depictions of domestic violence, emotional abuse, and physical assault. Proceed with caution.

I guess the story really goes back to 1990 because that's when I met the guy we're going to talk about here. By the end of this post, you'll hate one of us, and I hope it isn't me, but anyhow...

In 1990, my sister was in the city to have her first baby. It was an exciting time for the whole family, but obviously, since I was such a teenage badass, I had to act nonchalant and carefree. "Big deal, everyone has babies!" Oh, but I couldn't wait to get up to that hospital and see my brand new baby niece, as well as my older sister who had been like my best friend while we were growing up.

Chapter 1: My Father

Some names may have been changed to shield the innocent and spare me the drama of the criminally unhinged.

 Some names may have been changed to shield the innocent, protect the traumatized, and spare me the drama of the criminally unhinged. Then again, maybe they weren’t. If you see yourself in these pages and feel called out… that’s between you and your god. 🤷‍♀️

My dad was from a tiny island called Campobello. It's a peculiar little place off the coast of Maine, USA, and New Brunswick, Canada. He was born in December 1930 in his mother's bed at Wilson's Beach. He grew up during the Great Depression, and though it didn't hit Canada quite as hard, they did live in a border town with very little access to the mainland for many things.

The Lie That Didn’t Even Matter

I’ve been turning this over in my head for weeks now, and I still don’t fully understand it.

Why would someone — someone who once called you a close friend* — tell you a lie so pointless, so easily disproven, and with zero actual benefit?

Here’s what happened:

Condolences.

 "If someone is offended by your desire to heal, it usually means they have more to gain from your destruction. "

October 29, 2023 - That was the day I died. 

Once and Again: So Long to an Old Friend.

 "Just because you lost me as a friend doesn’t mean you gained me as an enemy. I still want to see you eat, just not at my table."   ~Tupac Shakur

Please bear with me as this is very, very long, and it's been a very long time coming. ..

"-- asking for my mom."

Trigger warning: abuse, coercive control, loss, and family court trauma.