Bête Noire

 Bête Noire

Take my pain —

take me,

take it away.

Cut me.

Bleed me.

Breed me.

Insanity.

Say you’re sorry.

Addiction.

Pain. Lust.

Things unjust.

Wrong. Corrupt. Destitute.

Rage — drink this. One sip.

Wash it all away.

Make love to destruction.

Another day. Another way.

Taste it.

Feel it.

It overtakes your soul.

Your head — a hole.

I’m your Savior.

I’m your drug.

Your ecstasy.

Take it, bastard.

You need me.

Drop to your knees.

Listen. Please.

Scream.

Agony.

Hatred.

Disease.

Profanity.

Say you need me.

A lasting impression.

Questions ignored.

Hear me.

See me.

I won’t go away.

Too much to say.

Beating drums.

Mind-numbing noise.

Distaste.

Losing poise.

Tomorrow, yesterday —

running away.

Fills your mind.

Empty void.

Leaves you behind.

I’m your lover.

Your mother.

Your dreams.

Nothing’s as it seems.

Drink from the throat —

tears of blood.

Touch me.

Caress me.

Ecstasy. Distress.

Pornography.

Say you want me.

A vision of death.

Try walking away.

Never again.

Never say.

Gone.

Living in sin.

See my fears?

Watch me cry.

Taste my tears.

I’ll get to you.

In your heart — fresh start.

I am nothing.

You are all.

You are nothing —

standing tall.

Take me.

I’m your soul.

Take me.

Fill this hole.

You are me.

I am all you are.

You want this fallen star.

You and me.

My darkness. Your light.

One mind. One soul.

We run. We fight.

Fuck it.

I just want to drown you —

in you,

for you,

with you.

Be you.

In me.

One night…

—Click *here* for more poetry, or *here* for more written pieces.

Addiction

 Addiction

Hey, hey mama, why don’t you look ’round the bend?

There’s a black-eyed man who says he’s your friend.

He’s dark as the night, with cool eyes that see,

He’ll fix up your life—whatever you decree.

He’s got the lip, yeah, he’s got the sight;

He’s already sold your soul to the night.

Hey, hey mama, why don’t you turn out the light?

There’s a black-eyed man who says it’s all too bright.

He don’t like the warm, no, he can’t take the heat;

Just follow his words and he’ll give you a treat.

He’s got the spirit, you know he’s got the fight;

Let him go, it’s gonna be all right.

Hey, hey mama, it’s too late to try;

There’s a black-eyed man who says it’s okay to cry.

He’s got your heart and he’s got your mind;

No need to sugarcoat, no point in being kind.

You lost yourself, you gave it away;

It’s too late for you—now he’s got the say.

—Click *here* for more poetry, or *here* for more written pieces.

Just a Tale

 Just a Tale

Ride a tiger in the night,

Dance a slow song, fight the good fight.

Break a leg — the stage is set,

Never give up, and don’t ever forget.

When the mouse ran up the clock,

Little Boy Blue lost count of his flock.

The fiddlers three brought the king his bowl,

And sweet Alice fell down the rabbit hole.

Now Dorothy ran down that road with glee,

And the one left behind, sadly, was me.

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men

Ran off to London to visit Big Ben.

Here I sit, tangled up in this tale —

The impossible dream, the Holy Grail.

Maybe Hansel and Gretel will show me the way,

From this dark forest to the harsh light of day.

—Click *here* for more poetry, or *here* for more written pieces.

Heart Songs: "Mocha Drenched Fantasies"

Sipping her coffee and absently gazing out the window, she could hear the hum of life around her—the buzz of these wonderful, unique beings who were completely oblivious to her and her inner awakening.

Thoughts at the End of Everything

I wrote this back in 2011, just a few days before my first major surgery. I was very sick at the time; Crohn's disease had ruined my guts to the point where my body had all but stopped accepting food. At 96 lbs (I'm 5'7", so you can imagine how serious it was), my body had started to "eat" itself, consuming the fat that's supposed to protect your bones and organs. My surgeon was considering putting off a conference because she wasn't sure I'd make it until she got back. Keep in mind that I was a lot younger, a lot more naive, and it was a whole different world back then. If I were to write the same piece again today, a few things would definitely be different. 

Close Encounters of the Crazy Kind

I was reading a Reddit thread about a girl being relentlessly stalked online and over the phone by some weirdo and his entire family because she broke up with him. And wow, did that resonate. Crazy. Oh, have I had run-ins with the crazy. Thankfully, only a few were truly notable, but here they are:

On DV: The Day I said "Enough."

⚠️ Trigger Warning: Contains graphic depictions of domestic violence, emotional abuse, and physical assault. Proceed with caution.

I guess the story really goes back to 1990 because that's when I met the guy we're going to talk about here. By the end of this post, you'll hate one of us, and I hope it isn't me, but anyhow...

In 1990, my sister was in the city to have her first baby. It was an exciting time for the whole family, but obviously, since I was such a teenage badass, I had to act nonchalant and carefree. "Big deal, everyone has babies!" Oh, but I couldn't wait to get up to that hospital and see my brand new baby niece, as well as my older sister who had been like my best friend while we were growing up.